"but do you love me?"

Lately I've been doing a ton of soul searching and what I've found is that I cannot rely on my own understanding but just have to trust in the faith that consumes my heart. I've made several confessions lately and it's true, I'm not crazy about living in Duncan. (you see, I'm kind of ashamed to admit it) And what's worse, I've begun to doubt my abilities to minister here.

In reading my sweet friend Jenny's blog, she linked her friend Bex who explains it so poetically that I won't even try to outdo it. (Keep in mind that both Jenny and Bex are missionaries overseas and in no way am I even trying to say that I come close to knowing what it is like to live that life far far away from family and friends in a foreign land. I just feel like I can relate to their sense of insecurity in ministry.)

Here's what Bex has to say...
” The other day I was walking down the road in a long skirt and long sleeve shirt with a head scarf and it was about 115 degrees and dusty and some guys were busy yelling about me being a foreigner and I caught myself telling God - “you know, I’ve been here seven months and I don’t really love North Africa that much yet, I could still leave and never look back and never cry much.” And I heard God ask me - “but do you love me?” And I’m not in North Africa because I love it so much, but I’m still here because I love God…and that’s reason enough.” Read the rest of her post here.

So often, my own complacencies allow me to feel defeated. It takes more than just a "can-do" and "make it work" attitude. It takes sacrifice and passion to endure anything that God puts in my path. So, in answer to the question...yes, I do love you Lord.